if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Sorry about my life...
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
