Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
