And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
