my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
