I wish my penis had an off switch
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
