i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I need moral support for this bender
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
