that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
