you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
