Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
