I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
