I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
