You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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