woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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