I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
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