I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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