Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Panties = found
Randomize
