he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
