just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
