have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
