dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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