Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
