I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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