Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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