Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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