Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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