The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
