I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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