It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
