Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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