woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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