just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
