I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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