Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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