Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
