IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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