You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
