You really coming over, don't trick.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
