yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
