The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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