Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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