New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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