IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
