Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
