they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
