Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
