There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
