True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
That accounts for only three of the penises
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
