So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
