I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
