one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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