Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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