I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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