Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Drunk is not a location!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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